Formerly ubiquitous

I want to apologize to my faithful readers for using that big word. In my tribute to botanist Ivan Kuster I made reference to the "ubiquitous jack-in-the-pulpit." It sent several of you scrambling to find a dictionary, which might be OK, except that I write for your entertainment, not edification.

It was too many years ago that I first saw the word in a phone company ad that referred to public telephones as "ubiquitous," with an asterisk and tiny footnote defining the word. It means something like, "Existing or being everywhere, or in all places, at the same time." I liked the word, so it entered our family lexicon to stay. We use it all the time, so it just naturally flowed into my column. But unless you saw that ad, you probably never heard of the word.

Indeed, public telephones were ubiquitous until the advent of cell phones.

Now everyone has a cell phone on their belt or in their purse; no, it is more likely pressed against the side of their head! Remember when we had to look for a phone booth if we needed to make a call?

The booth was a sanctuary that gave some relief from the noises of the street and allowed for private conversation. Then came the pedestal mounted phones with acoustic panels that were supposed to absorb the ambient noise but did not. Remember holding the phone to one ear and sticking your finger in the other while trying to hear, and shouting to be heard if a big truck went by?

My first public phone local calls cost a nickel, but soon went up to a dime. To call home from my Air Force base I had to have a stack of quarters handy. All "long distance" calls were handled by operators, and it was pay and then talk. More than three minutes required more quarters, and "person-to-person" still more. It was better to arrange to call "collect."

Remember how long it took to dial big numbers like 8 or 9, waiting for the dial to return? And if no answer, you had to dial the whole thing again later? But there were no "area codes" and the exchanges were identified by letters to make them easier to remember. Best of all, a real live person always answered your call, and the operators were always ready to help you get connected to your party.

Here is something else that was ubiquitous in days gone by and seldom seen today: a scale that would weigh you for a penny. Most of them proclaimed "No Springs, Honest Weight," and might also tell your fortune or answer a question. You stood on the platform, turned a knob to pull a tape by a window until an appropriate question appeared. When you dropped your penny into the slot, another window would open to reveal a clever answer to your question and the weight dial would be released to indicate your weight. Turning the knob closed the answer window, so you could get only one question answered for your penny.

I remember one scale that had twelve coin slots in a plate, each marked with a month, so that your fortune was supposedly keyed to your birth month. I was amused to discover that there was only one coin chute behind that plate.

With perhaps half the nation on special diets to lose weight, you'd think that public scales would make a comeback. On the other had, we probably don't really want to know, and certainly not in a public place! Personally, I like the numbers better when I am buck nekkid… hey, we could bring back all those scales and put them in phone booths, converted for visual privacy, of course. Well, Superman would approve.

Several years ago I asked my friend Bill Brock, regional manager of our phone company until he retired, if his company was preparing to be "not needed" in a world of wireless communication.
I was concerned about their investment in hard wiring running everywhere. He made a cheerful, optimistic reply, since borne out by the change of company name and great "bundles" of new services, generally not affected by weather and atmospheric disturbances.

New regulations allow the phone company to bring you not only your telephone service, but TV and high speed Internet as well. Think they could add a weight readout if you stand on the modem?